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Ten famous Pet-Peeves 2

Things That Put a Wedge in Relationships

In the previous edition of this topic, we touched on ten little foxes, you may not notice destroying your marriage. But equally invidious are the following ten. Unless you keep diligent watch over your marriage, any or a combination of these can rip your relationship apart.

Ten famous Pet-Peeves 1

Below we have a continuation of these invidious little foxes that could ruin your marriage. Happy reading!

11. Dual faced personalities
12. Constantly Lying
13. Can’t apologize
14. Being ungrateful
15. Excessive jealousy
16. Selfishness
17. Trying to change your partner automatically
18. Always with the Boys
19. Grouchy and always complaining
20. Mrs. Too-Know

Unless you keep diligent watch over your marriage, any or a combination of these can rip your relationship apart

Dual-facedness

Ambivalent people infuriate their partners

There are people who are experts at presenting two different faces to two different audiences: one for wife and children and another for members of their own family (brothers/sisters, parents). They are so efficient, you could call them the Jenevive Nnaji of the marital circuit. They could present the face of a gentle, unassuming father/husband to their home but pretend to be tough and no-nonsense outside.

Jenevive Nnaji: can act any role realistically (Photo: sheleadsafrica.org)

The problem with such personalities is that they think they are very smart. Unfortunately, the first people to notice how dumb they are really are their wives or spouse. And for many, this is a huge put off.

It makes them worry and wonder how long they can pretend to be who they are not until they can not stand it again. Words often associated with this type include:
deceitful, dishonest, double-dealing, duplicitous, hypocritical, insincere

Words often associated with this type include:

deceitful, dishonest, double-dealing, duplicitous, hypocritical, insincere

The problem with Janus-faced personalities is that you don’t know which perspective to choose when they relate with you: any side you take is wrong depending on whom they are interacting with. So their spouses are also viewed in the wrong light because the other relationship party has no steady view point at all.

Constantly Lying

Related to the above is the constant liar. Unfortunately, with this character, they lie even to themselves. Below is how HealthLine brilliantly describes this character:

Pathological lying, also known as mythomania and pseudologia fantastica, is the chronic behavior of compulsive or habitual lying.

Unlike telling the occasional white lie to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or getting in trouble, a pathological liar seems to lie for no apparent reason.

– Health Line

Whereas the dual faced or Janus-like personality may do so due to fear of rejection from any social system, the mythomaniac is not discernably benefitting from his fairy tales. There’s no gain in all their complicated lies that leaves everyone around uncertain about when they may be serious about anything.

They gain no one’s trust in the end and are considered unreliable. So you are better assessing your partner with a view to deciding whether you can cope with this personality type.

Can Never Apologize

Have you seen any human being with out faults? Mr and Mrs Never Apologize is the only exception. Yet, we know that living is a complicated enough matter than for anyone to have it even more so by their SO.

Saying I’m Sorry has an amazing power over every form of relationship: office, marriage, friendship, etc. It shows your SO that you value them and would not willingly hurt them. It tames your SO and also makes them humble enough to apologize when they’re wrong.

Saying I’m Sorry has an amazing power over every form of relationship: office, marriage, friendship, etc. It shows your SO that you value them and would not willingly hurt them.

According to Marshall Goldsmith (top executive career coach) on this topic: “I regard apologizing as the most magical, healing, restorative gesture human beings can make.”

“Admitting that we were wrong takes great strength. It involves a swallowing of pride and a willingness to be honest and vulnerable. The power of apologizing can be initiated with one little sentence… ‘I’m sorry.’ Although it is small in stature, it is mighty in its ability to convey a depth of feeling and a sincere desire for reconciliation”, according to another writer.

So, take my advise: have a dispassionate view of this character to be sure you won’t end up with a person that’s perpetually insensitive to how you feel. Good sex, financial security and even humour can not replace a plain expression of compassion when the inevitable happens.

Ingratitude

Nothing kills a relationship fast like ingratitude. All who want to destroy their marriage, relationship or friendship will find this is one easy route to achieve that goal. They fail to realize that for very favour extended, there’s an alternative beneficiary. If you have the good fortune of being the beneficiary of a kind gesture therefore and fail to appreciate the daily blessings, you’re, actually, shutting the door to greater future testimonies.

Scientific evidence exists that proves gratitude is good for your health. For more on this see Forbes magazine article.

Suffice it to say that gratitude helps to prolong life, lubricate social interactions and enhance your chances of getting repeated patronages.

Suffice it to say that gratitude helps to prolong life, lubricate social interactions and enhance your chances of getting repeated patronages.

Appreciation may be in words but my advise: put it into action. As it is true in most things in life, action speaks louder than words. People will forget what you said to them but never how you made them feel.

Excessive jealousy

Excessive jealousy makes you act irrationally. A lawyer who was married to another lawyer recently died in her alleged hot chase of her husband and his suspected girlfriend. This incident happened last weekend in Calabar, Nigeria and her remains are now in the morgue.  Poor soul, now that she’s dead, what stops the side chick from fully owning the man?

Although her case could be explained as a rational reaction to suspicion of infidelity, there are some cases where the grounds of suspicion are tenuous, spurious and baseless. Living with a partner who is overly suspicious could lead to tensions, social disharmony and more grievous actions that are in themselves, worse than the cause of suspicion. It can wear partner’s patience thin and alienate your SO.

Living with a partner who is overly suspicious could lead to more grievous actions than the cause of suspicion. It can wear partner’s patience thin and alienate your SO

I have seen those who think regular expression of jealousy is a proof of love but I haven’t seen any who applauds its fruits when fully bloomed. Check out this little peeve, it may be the cause of ruin in future.

Selfishness

In more than fifteen years of being a pastor, I have seen many cases of marriages breaking on account of selfishness. This vice manifests in different areas: financially, in conjugal department, in time management, and so on.

Selfishness in conjugal matters is called fraud. 1 Corinthians 7:4-5 warns against sexual deprivation which can lead to temptations and sin.

Having wealth and allowing your spouse to live in penury is another area. So you can be emotionally selfish, financially selfish, sexually selfish and so on.

Take for instance the very common habit of men who wait until they are sexually charged before they approach their wives for consummation. This is the height of emotional and sexual selfishness. It leaves broken, hapless women in marriages where they feel married-but-single. This is the state where a married person feels alone with their emotional and mental problems even though they have a living person as partner, who should share their burdens with them.

the very common habit of men who wait until they are sexually charged before they approach their wives for consummation. This is the height of emotional and sexual selfishness

The usual complaint from such women is: “this marriage feels like a prison”, “my husband is insensitive”, “I’m miserable in this marriage”, “why did I put my self in the trap?”

So before you say “I Do” make sure that you have a partner that’s supportive and show them how much you appreciate their supportive nature in return. That way, you reinforce the desired behaviour. I guarantee he or she will seek to repeat those acceptable behaviours subsequently.

The usual complaint from such women is: “this marriage feels like a prison”, “my husband is insensitive”, “I’m miserable in this marriage”, “why did I put my self in the trap?”

Trying to change your partner

I have not seen a more heady effort than those who try to change their partners. It leaves you unhappy, unfulfilled and almost always in tears. Many people have entered a marriage doomed from the get-go by deluding themselves that they would be able to change their partner’s observed shortcomings in due course. This is both unrealistic and mostly unattainable. Why?

Many people have entered a marriage doomed from the get-go by deluding themselves that they would be able to change their partners.

You are assuming that he or she is a broken item that needs you (the expert) to fix. You’re thereby making judgemental assumptions that he or she was improperly brought up. You are thereby supposing that his or her parents failed in their duty to properly educate them. And that your parents are better. So when ever you get into fix-him mode, you get a backlash. Sometimes, the reaction is violent. Then you wonder why.

The truth about relationships is that you’re only responsible for your own behaviour. You can not dictate how your partner would behave. But you can influence him/her by your own attitude towards issues. You can get them to reciprocate your kindness, thoughtfulness, emotional support etc by your own display of the same attributes.

The truth about relationships is that you’re only responsible for your own behaviour. You can not dictate how your partner would behave

Always Out

People get married to have companionship. Before the children start coming, there is so many excruciatingly lonely moments. If the babies are late in coming, then those lonely moments are elongated. Besides, the companionship provided by a partner is different from that given by children.

Many women feel trapped in their marriage

If he, usually it is the man, finds the company of the boys more attractive than spending some time with you, you’re in for long lonely agonizing nights. It’s worse when he gets home drunk and smelly.

So, why not crosscheck that he’s not going to give you lonely nights of pain staying away with the boys before saying I Do.

Grouchy and Always Complaining

If you live with a grouchy personality type, you may have to be ready for blames for offences you didn’t commit. It might also be good if you prepared for many moments of ungratefulness and being made to look insensitive, despite your best efforts.

There was once a grouchy old man who lived with his wife for decades. One day the poor woman died, perhaps, unappreciated in her entire married life. Then her bereaved husband wept and wept endlessly. He was so bitter, some one told him to stop crying “after all everyday was a fight with her when she was alive”. But the man in one moment of clarity retorted: “now that she’s dead will you come and be fighting with me like she did?” In other words, she was such an invaluable part of him but he failed to appreciate her by his constant complaining.

“now that she’s dead will you come and be fighting with me like she did?”

Mrs. Too-Know

There’s a character in human existence called Madam-Know-All. This is the person that pretends to know all things and seeks to lecture you on how to do everything. They do everything to prove their correctness and would always answer every conversation with “I Know” or “That’s What I’m Saying “.

“Know-it-alls think they know everything. They feel superior, are dismissive of others’ opinions, are unwilling to listen to others, and love to tell others how to do their job. Know-it-alls like to hear themselves talk. This behavior may become so ingrained that it becomes part of the know-it-all’s personality. The bottom line is that they don’t know any other way to act. They come off as self-centered and pompous and easily irk you, especially if you know how to do your job well. You bite your tongue when he starts telling you what you already know. You bristle when she talks down to you”. This view was shared by Renèe Evenson.

To live with this character, you either need to learn how to manage them or be ready for an irksome life, ever-after.

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Kudos to the Fallen Queen of England

“The story of modern Nigeria will never be complete without a chapter on Queen Elizabeth ll, a towering global personality and an outstanding leader, … She dedicated her life to making her nation, the Commonwealth and the entire world a better place.”

Gen. Muhammadu Buhari President of Nigeria

“In a world of constant change, she was a steadying presence and a source of comfort and pride for generations of Britons, including many who have never known their country without her, … Her legacy will loom large in the pages of British history, and in the story of our world.”

Joe & Jill Biden, President of USA and his wife

 
“Her reign, as Britain’s longest serving monarch, represented celebration, inspiration and a reassuring sense of continuity for so many people alive today.
“Your mother lived a meaningful life with dignity, grace, a strong sense of service and a warm heart, qualities we all should treasure.”

DALAI LAMA

What are her legacies?

Ten Achievements of Queen Elizabeth II

1. The monarch reigned over the United Kingdom for over 70 years.

2. She was the longest reigning British monarch in living memory.

3. She holds the honour of being the female with the longest reign anywhere in the world.

4. As the inheritor of the British colonial heritage, she reigned over thirty two (32) sovereign entities or states and remained the head of state of Canada, Jamaica, New Zealand, Australia and eleven other sovereign states at the time of her death.

5. She will be remembered as a modernizer. Not only was she the first British monarch to appear on television, she also ensured that the affairs of her kingdom went on YouTube. Furthermore, the integration of the Royal family into a multi -racial one took place under her reign with the marriage of Meghan Markle, an American divorcee, to Prince Harry, the second son of Prince Charles, now king of Britain. She was made Duchess of Sussex to complete her membership of the royal family.

Meghan Markle: first Black Royal in Britain

6. One fact that will never be denied is that she’s the most notable female face in the world. Her face is on the currency of tens of nation states and territories.

7. Despite her not being duty bound to join the war efforts, she was a member of the Women Auxillary Territorial Services ATS. Which means she was an enlistee in the world war 2. This brought a lot of confidence in women’s push for more prominence in public affairs

Princess Elizabeth in her ATS uniform

8. As the founder of the Commonwealth of Nations, she presided over the informal group of five nations that grew to fifty two (52) at the point of her death. It is to credit that this body does not only include her former colonies but also some former French colonies as well.

9. She brought stability to government affairs. Within her reign over ten prime ministers came and left office, sometimes in acrimonious manners, yet government business did not suffer as she often rose to the occasion. She was also a stabilizing influence on international affairs as she saw the peaceful disengagement of Britain from majority of her colonial assets in the world.

10. Despite the failed marriages of her children, she remained a stabilizing influence on the monarchy ensuring that the thousands year old dynasty did not come to an end.

Would history be kind to her memory? Read the knocks of her regime.

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King Charles III Accused of Racism

After the burial of the Late Queen Elizabeth II, sympathizers lined up to greet the new king. He cheerfully greeted everyone but purposely skipped shaking the hands of a Blackman in the line of sympathizers. That action has started the English monarch off on the accusation that he hates Blacks.

Although it could be argued that he can’t possibly shake everyone, this is a difficult argument to sustain as he immediately resumed shaking other Whites after the snubbed man desperately yearning for his handshake was politely restrained by the royal guards.

As Prince of Wales he was generally accessible to all. Has he changed?

This incident may be indicative of what Meghan Markle, the first black Royalty of the English monarchy, and her husband, Prince Harry must have been experiencing in the Royal household that the led to Megxit or their flight to the USA.

Africans would be eager to hear the Palace’s explanation of what happened today.

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World’s Richest Man, Jeff Bezos on fire for insensitivity to colonial atrocities

Jeff Bezos ‘ snide comment on Nigerian born Professor, Uju Anya’s criticism of the legacy of British genocide, colonialism and violence has brought him slacks from around the world.

Watch and see how the victims of British colonial past are reacting from Jamaica, Kenya and others parts of the world to that imperial power that controlled one third of the nations of the world and stole from the colonies goods and wealth estimated to be in the trillions of dollars.

Have Your Say

Readers opinions are welcome. Have your day, comment, like and share please. 
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Knocks for Queen Elizabeth

The late British monarch has her adversaries. This page shows a some of the comments putting a question mark on her legacy

“Her legacy is colonialism, slavery, racism, loot, and plundering. Despite having chances, she never apologized for [the] bloody history of her family. She reduced everything to a ‘difficult past episode’ on her visit to India. Evil.”

– Manisha Kadyan

“British ships transported a total of three million Africans to the New World as slaves, … An empire that brought misery and famine to Asia and Africa. No tears for the queen. No tears for the British monarchy.”

Advaid @Advaidism

“we will not mourn…We will not mourn for royals who oversaw the protection of known child molesters in the family,

“We will not mourn for royals who oversaw the active destruction of the Welsh language, and the Welsh culture,”

The Welsh Underground Network

Malama: the Queen Wears Stolen Gold

Her Crown: a proceed of crime?

Accused of wearing a proceed of crime on her head

British Monarchy: precursor of international violence – Caroline Elkins

British nostalgia for its empire is built on the idea that it was a civilising, liberal project. The truth is a lot more bloody and brutal

Independent.ie Review of Caroline’s book
Cover of Caroline’s book showing British colonial troops
Kikuyu Kenya: victims of British violence
Mau-mau Resistance Movement members: majority were executed for resisting British invasion

Irish Starvation was Genocide

‘One of the greatest cover ups and frauds ever perpetrated is the true story of the Irish Starvation, or genocide. In hidden history, it’s more commonly referred to by the highly misleading “Irish Potato Famine.” ‘

Winter watch.net
Irish memorial in Dublin reminding generations of British starvation policy of the Irish in the 19th century

“A Celt will soon be as rare on the banks of the Shannon as the red man on the banks of Manhattan.”

 London Times 1846 editorial

How Britain starved Irish People

“Ireland starved because its food, from 40 to 70 shiploads per day, was removed at gunpoint by 12,000 British constables reinforced by the British militia, battleships, excise vessels, Coast Guard and by 200,000 British soldiers (100,000 at any given moment). Ultimately, Britain seized from Ireland’s producers tens of millions of livestock; tens of millions of tons of flour, grains, meat, poultry and dairy products; enough to sustain 18 million persons. This was similar to the operation these goons conducted in Bangladesh in 1943.”

– Winter Watch
Unmarked graves for mass burial of the Irish

Indian Starvation by Britain

“I hate Indians. They are a beastly people with a beastly religion. The famine was their own fault for breeding like rabbits.”                                                                                            

Indian victims under British rule. Source: yourstory.com
    -Winston Churchill
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Brain Drain: How Nigeria Exports Her Best to Import Fake Hair

By Alex Ekeji

Nigeria is a breeding ground for great minds. The world knows this. However, this fact is not synonymous with the image of our country to the world. This is because every great brain produced here is quickly identified by serious nations and incentivized to move abroad. Look at our sports men and women, same goes for our academics and more.

Beauty without brains will ruin our children

By the time universities resume, more export would have been achieved. And, what do we get in return for exporting our best brains? Fake human hairs, matches and toothpicks.

We pretend and make effort to look beautiful in the eye of the world with the importation of fake hairs from those same countries that take away our more valuable brains and yet pay more for them. Tragic!

It is brains that build nations: why allow the drain?

Were these fake hairs to be restricted to use by women for only for fashion, no cause for alarm. Unfortunately, it seems that they are finding other uses for these fake hairs. Having driven out best brains away, the empty heads in national politics , policy implimentation and administration now cover their empty heads with fake hairs.

Right now I am wondering whether this brain drain and fake hair cover for empty brain head syndrome is contagious. Otherwise, how do you explain the how the use of fake hair by their house wives seems to be affecting their husbands thinking.

Politicians have lost their minds

Think about it. Are these men in power not aware that our universities have remained closed for 7 months? Why don’t they care? If their heads were not empty, first ladies of 36 states would not have kept quiet in this crucial matter of the universities being shut for so long. This is why I think there’s a contagious effect fake hair is having on the silence of the National assembly in the case of the universities, because the longer the closure, the more eggs vote with their feet.

May the country not fall victim to a fake person as president as a successor to Buhari.

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The Peter Obi Attraction

Interesting straw polls coming from the NOI polling mills favour Peter Obi, former governor of Anambra State and Vice Presidential candidate of People’s Democratic Party (PDP).

Peter Obi’s brand captivating a nation?

Although the population of the undecided is significant, it is noteworthy that a campaign that is unconventional and almost unseen can hold its own in sea of seasoned and more wealthy politicians. What do you think?

See Details of the Report

https://whirlwindnews.com.ng/news/23858-BREAKING-Obi-leads-Tinubu-Atiku-in-NOI-Nigerias-most-influential-poll-See-details-Kwankwaso-in-distant-fourth-Sowore-Dumebi-12-others-score-less-than-one-per-cent-

What’s Driving this Phenomenal Growth?

Is it the OBIdient Movement? Or is the disaffection in the land? Is it the rise of youth activism as seen in parts of Africa lately? Are we seeing the dawn of true people revolution?

Air your views

Are you excited about the prospects of a Peter Obi be presidency? Can Obi retain this lead or double it to stand the chance of winning? What are the prospects of increasing this lead? Would his victory bring more equitable relationship amongst the Nigerian nationalities?

Questions!

Questions!!

Questions!!

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CLOSING THE CHAPTER ON BUHARI’S 40 YEARS OF HORROR

GUEST WRITER

By Alex Ekeji

By the time President Buhari leaves office in 2023, it will be the second time he will be vacating the position of head Nigerian government, and 40 years since he first occupied the office.

The generation that just entered manhood then at 20 years will be clocking 60 years ( Retirement age ) when he goes next year.

The unending violent change of government occasioned by his first coming set this country back, result of which today manifests in Nigeria’s low rating in every tier of development rating.

Subsequent governments after him enthroned mediocre governance that promoted corruption, ethnic and religious patronage over ability. Brain drain, restriction of press freedom were amongst legacies of his administration. He coming opened door of affliction on the land .

Muhammadu Buhari: 40 years of horror

The generation he happened upon then in their 20′ s never had life smooth, except those that succeeded in checking out.
 
The level of crime and insecurity resulting from joblessnes has root in the 1983 dismantling of elected civilian government by Buhari and his cohorts.

The good thing is the youth of today are at threshold of disengaging Buhari’s touch in their life. 2023 election provides them an opportunity to elect  leaders that are in tune with today’s world. All they need do is be very discerning when it comes to promises of politicians.

I will advise young people to be wise, so that as Buhari leaves, the legacy of affliction which he unleashed on Nigeria, will leave with him.

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Ten famous Pet-Peeves 1

Things That Put a Wedge in Relationships

1. Farting
2. Toothpaste
3. Driving without asking for directions
4. Loud telephone call
5. Silent treatment
6. Not following up on commitment
7. Snoring while sleeping
8. Loud noises while making love
9. Poor hygiene
10. Always late

How it works

1. Farting

Do you know that there’s a man who lived with his wife for twenty (20) years without hearing or smelling her fart? It may sound gross to talk about farting but there’s a curiousness about how they were able to do that.  Farting is like breathing. It doesn’t occur as often but it is a bodily function that must be seen as part of the human life.Unfortunately, burping, farting and swearing,   are features of family life that we may learn to live with or manage properly to have a peaceful home. I find it curious that they were able to go that long without incidents.  They were able to do this, probably, because either of them or both were brought up to believe that farting in front of any other person was bad manners. If you are getting married, you may need to verify if your significant other (SO) is this prim and pram about farting habits; otherwise, this could become a source of future disagreements and unhappiness. 

Attitudes to farting vary from person to person. Some couples don’t mind farting at each other while others would stomach your discretion of turning away your bum while doing it. I have seen a husband who openly does it before his children and they all prostrate in salute to him as though he had just performed such a difficult task. So you need to be clear what you can handle in this regard.

Toothpaste Handling

This pet-peeve is one that has led to broken homes in some instances. Should the paste be dispensed from the bottom or top? Where two people disagree strongly on this, they are likely to carry over the resentment from this simple episode into other scenarios. For instance, this particular pet-peeve once resulted in one husband abusing his SO’s parents  for not bringing her up properly. In the resulting altercation, she was beaten black and blue. So be aware that you may have to evolve a solution such as buying two toothpaste tubes for each person where this peeve is so acute it can lead to violence.

Driving Without Asking for Directions

If you’re marrying anyone, it would be advisable to check out the attitude of that one to seeking direction, whether to street addresses or for solving family issues. This pet-peeve is known to have had couples raving and accusing each other of being domineering. Simply trusting the person on the wheel enough to figure out a location is something that shows your SO that you trust them. It should not become a source of altercation nor abuse.

The simple act of seeking clarification over street locations can cause storms in marital teacups.

Loud Telephone Call

This is one pet-peeve that riles some couples to no end. Accusations of being inconsiderate and a nuisance can arise from this situation.

In addition, some people talk into the telephone while eating. Of course, this a bad telephone manner but even though it doesn’t often become a problem initially but would ultimately. It’s worse when you do have a spacious apartment that can offer a save distance to the one who has the habit.

Similarly, there are people who do not put a boundary on time for calling or receiving calls. The result is that every call is picked whether the couple are having a private time or not. And, after those lengthy chats, the other party is expected to stand akimbo waiting for the chitchats to end for family time to resume. Every couple needs to have limits to when they can attend to telephone calls, whether official or private.

Talking loud into the telephone can be irritating.

Silent Treatment  or Stonewalling

Nothing riles like being made to feel like a fool.

Silent treatment is very upsetting

This is psychological warfare in which a partner is denied communication of any kind. It is a bit like bearing grudges and involves creating an emotional chasm. Some people do this either as a way of drawing attention to themselves or as a way of getting their partners to pay for a perceived wrong.

The problem with Stonewalling is that it could become a manipulative weapon for dominance. It can hurt the mental stability of us your partner and make them to lose self worth.

Not Following up Commitments / Procrastinating

There’s a feeling of disappointment every time your partner fails to do their bit to make a relationship work. This pet-peeve manifests as irresponsibility, non-responsiveness or unfairness.

If one party is a gogetter and the other a laggard, there’s a problem

Before you “I Do”, please confirm your own attitude towards activities and determine that you can handle a partner that’s a direct opposite.

Snoring

Those who snore hardly know they have this habit. Yet snoring can steal a ay your partner’s peace of mind. Bad snorers may damage the mental health and emotional stability of their partners as a result of having so little sleep at night.

A partner ‘s night hours may become terror moments if a partner snores.

There are devices to help snorers to snore less help their disturbed partners to enjoy night hours. Any spouse having challenges in this area should explore options to get the most optimal benefits at the best price.

Noisy sex

I remember the case of a couple in the UK who were dragged to court for the very loud sex sounds they generated to their detriment of their neighbours. They fined and told to reduce their noises thenceforth or be thrown into prison for noise pollution.

Loud noises and other forms of distraction during sex may impact your relationship

Poor hygiene

As counter intuitive as it may sound, married couples get embarrassing hygiene issues that threaten their relationship to the core. Both men and women are guilty of this; although women have more reasons to up their game in this regard.Male

Male oral and armpit areas could be gradually neglected by many resulting in this becoming a grievance for the woman in that relationship. Regular brushing of teeth and tongue will ensure fresh breath all day. A daily dabbing of sweet smelling rool-on or a stay of body fresheners is must if you have body odour issues. In addition removing all hairs in the public region and under the armpit will clean out fifty percent of all unsavory smell issues.

On the part of women, genitalia hygiene can become a huge balagan. Women’s private part is such that it retains a lot of wetness from monthly periods, urination and secretions, which becomes a fertile incubation joint for microorganisms. The result is that some times bad smells emanate and may ruin a partner’s expectations for a lovely time. Oral hygiene and body odour may also occur.

Frequently washing the surface of the genitalia with clean water will help; so would occasional check ups with the doctor guide against incubation of harmful microorganisms.

Always late

During dating and within marriage, the issue of not being on time can become a huge problem.

Lateness may be considered disrespectful.

It is easy to see lateness to appointments as disrespectful. It also disorganizes the other party disrupting their own private lives.

Conclusion

We have examined some ten pet-peeves that may threaten the foundation of your marriage. These we called the ten little foxes that ruin marriage. However, their many more to come. Watch for part 2 of this article in the next write up.

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Necrogamy: married to the dead

Marriage to a dead person may seem scary and fetish but in parts of the world including France and Nigeria, the practice still goes on.

It is permitted in France, and China also permits a related variation. Following World War I, France began to receive a large number of applications each year, numbering in the hundreds. A surrogate soldier who passed away a few weeks ago was married by several ladies. Postmarital is the term for this activity. When a dam in Freges, France exploded in the 1950s, killing 400 persons, posthumous weddings to civilians were performed. Andre Capra, a man engaged to Irene Jodar, was one of them. Jodar pleaded with Charles de Gaulle, the president of France, to let her accept the marriage proposal even though her intended husband had passed away. She got encouragement from the media and was allowed to get married. Then began other applications for postmarital engagements.

Images of Ghost Marriage (Pic source: Google)

This form of marriage has different forms. But in general, the Chinese title for it will suffice. “Ghost Marriage”, or Spirit Marriage “, or “Marriage of the Dead”. In Kerala and Katakana parts of India, this type of marriage also takes place. Effigies or photos of the dead, where available are used to represent the absentee partner in this type of marriage.

In Nigeria, this form marriage also exists. Different reasons may cause the living to married to the dead.

  • To die without a child may occasion this marriage in areas where it is still practiced;
  • At other times, a partner dying during courtship and leaving children behind may cause them to organize a postmarital engagement;
  • Two lovers who died before solemnization of their marriage may also be joined in wedlock to honour their memory;
  • A dead person may be married to a living being whom she/he didn’t know at all. In this case, it is usually the daughters of the dead man who organized this marriage for their father to raise a male offspring to inherit his name and property.

Have you seen or been to a “Ghost Marriage” before? What’s experience like?

Share your views as well as experience below. I want to hear about it. Thanks. 
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The Dilemma of being OBIdient

By Pst. Ngozi Hippolytus Asoya

I served in a presidential campaign office for ten (10) years managing and directing the communications functions of one of the most organised presidential election teams Nigeria has ever seen, CHOICE 91. In that period, we had our successes and our failures, some based on our view of what was worth saying or not. I have therefore taken liberty to comment on one of the most glamorous political communication trends I have seen in many years. I’m talking about the OBIdient Movement, acclaimed to be the unofficial campaign support group campaigning for the presidential election of Mr. Peter Obi, former governor of Anambra State.

Let me start by saying that I see the movement as a talakawa movement. That’s a movement of the common people. This, in no way is to diminish what they have achieved so far. As a matter of fact, if it truly evolves into a good people movement, Nigeria will be changed for good and forever. So, my description of it as a common man’s movement is indeed an indication that it is a meritorious and desirable movement. Indeed, the long dead iconoclast, Mallam Aminu Kano will be so proud of Peter Obi if he can successfully see this idea through. Then his entire fifty (50) years or so that he sacrificed to building an equitable nation would have been achieved.

Having made those opening remarks, I’m aware that the Movement is only good in the ear but needs to become good in the heart  too. More than the tingling in the ears, it needs to become the breathe we take; the water we drink and the food of every discussion between now and the presidential elections ahead, barely five months away. The sound bite might be good but so was Buhari’s Gaskiya Movement. It turns out the retired general had nothing but spite for the citizens whom he was elected to lead. How? He jettisoned, repudiated and renounced every article of promise on which he was elected. Peter Obi, to succeed must go far and above everyone else to convince a critical nation that he would not be another political trickster, like Buhari, in our politics.

Peter Obi, to succeed must go far and above everyone else to convince a critical nation that he would not be another political trickster, like Buhari, in our politics.

His ineptitude has upped the citizens ‘ expectations of leaders

That brings me to another element of the weak communication that I’m noticing. There was a Zikist Movement, akin the the OBIdient Movement that was fashioned around a personality who disavowed the Movement completely and openly. Many readers may be too young to know this but I will seek to explain.

The Zikist Movement was made up of youths from every corner of Nigeria. They swore to all who cared to listen that they were propagating the dreams and visions of their alter ego, Dr. Benjamin Nnamdi Azikiwe. They had ideas for how the country would become independent quickly but there was a problem. The man whose interest they swore to serve or die claimed that he didn’t know them, neither subscribed to their methods. Because of that some of followers of Zikism suffered jail and humiliation. Many never saw eye to eye with Zik until he gave up the ghost decades later.

Obi cannot afford to swindle Nigeria like Buhari and APC did. That’s why it is important to let them know that rejection of PDP and APC does not automatically mean acceptance of Obi and Labour party

The problem with Zikism may repeat itself with this OBIdient Movement. So my effort here is to offer them guidance on how to avoid this communication lacuna. Why am I bothered? Well it turns out my wife has been accusing me of looking OBIdient. When I asked her what that meant, she pointed at one of my recent photographs that our son snapped of me. But seriously, that’s where I see a problem. Beyond the look alike nature of both photographs, I have no ideological or emotional underpinnings similar to Peter Obi’s. Apart from his often rehearsed point such as that of cutting cost of governance and returning Nigeria to  productivity, as prime objectives of his campaign, there’s not much to his gallivanting, just like those of his colleagues in the PDP and APC for example. The current government for instance rode on the wings of a similar populist extirpation of the weaknesses of the previous PDP regime that many of us were sold to their lies and structural incongruences. Eight years after, they have completely repudiated the agenda that brought them to power and left the country more despondent.

The problem with Zikism may repeat itself with this OBIdient Movement.

Obi cannot afford to swindle Nigeria like Buhari and APC did. That’s why it is important to let them know that rejection of PDP and APC does not automatically mean acceptance of Obi and Labour party. In fact, the reality of APC ‘s miscellany of empty farrago means that another hocus-pocus will NOT be allowed to take over the government next year. Obi has to earn the confidence of a distraught nation. That is not happening in enough magnitude to occasion a tectonic shift in the public perception of him and his movement in the time available. This is crucial.

Obi has to earn the confidence of a distraught nation. That is not happening in enough magnitude to occasion a tectonic shift in the public perception of him and his movement in the time available.

PERCEPTUAL INCONSISTENCIES

What is OBIdient Movement?

OBIdient dressing not the same as ideological similitude

Beyond the play on his name, the word means nothing, frankly. In fact, as Femi Anikulapo Kuti, the musician kindly notified them, the word implies something negative and hurtful to their aspirations. How?

On the one hand, they desire to enthrone Peter Obi as president. Good enough. I also think the odds on paper favour his aspirations. But, “OBIdient” (similar to obedient) as an English word means something different. And when used in politics, it’s even more invidious. How again?

It invokes an image of an unquestioning, non-critical crowd following the candidacy of Peter Obi. My dear reader, words have meaning. Buhari came as a reformed autocrat who has seen the light of democracy. The facts are different. Buhari came as a retired nuanced general who would end insurgency. It turns out that a weak, uninspiring,  bloody civilian Jonathan Goodluck was doing a better job. So if Buhari has so blatantly repudiated all hopes Nigerians bestowed upon him, do you blame them when they are more critical than hitherto?

THE MISSING LINK

Is Peter Obi himself OBIdient?

Pray, what is our obedience targeted at? The person of Obi, his election or what? If his person, then it’s a misfired arrow. I’m not interested in any individual politician. History shows they are same of same. I’m invested in the prospect of a nation that can feed her citizens, provide a confident atmosphere for the future of the young ones and that is sworn to recovering the glorious days when we were our neighbour’s keepers. I want a nation where the children of the unknown farmer will automatically get employed in the best government offices based on their performance in fair and free exams, not the current nation where children of the rulers fill everywhere. I’m interested in the dreams that will keep each of them sleepless when sworn into office not their looks. The obedience that I crave is one to the glory of our father land, to prosperity of our nation, restoration of the pride of the black race. It is NOT to any individual.

Pray, what is our obedience targeted at? The person of Obi, his election or what? If his person, then it’s a misfired arrow. I’m not interested in any individual politician. I’m invested in the prospect of a nation that can feed her citizens, provide a confident atmosphere for the future of the young ones

This is an area that needs clarification and proper articulation than the flimsy effort to acclimate us to a person, whose loyalty and true intention may even hold the movement in contempt like Zik and Buhari did. Look, Zikism meant the world to those young men like Mokwugo Okoye and Enahoro but meant nothing to Nnamdi Azikiwe, after whose sobriquet Zik their Movement was coined. Do you see the danger? As there was a Zik who wasn’t a Zikist, so can you have an OBIdient Movement without Obi.

IS THE OBIDIENT MOVEMENT A ZOMBIE ORGANIZATION?

The critical question which Femi Anikulapo Kuti sought answers to is simply: is this Movement an uncritical, unthinking, unquestioning, undemocratic movement? For a government post-Buhari, that question must be answered by no one else than Peter Obi.

As there was a Zik who wasn’t a Zikist, so can you have an OBIdient Movement without Obi.

To start with, Peter Obi and this Movement have already shown that they are not exactly enamoured one to the other. In other words, Peter may not be behind the group body, soul and spirit. He has been publicly shunned and reprimanded by the group when he had cause to disagree with their less than civil umbrage of some other candidates. This shows there’s a gap between the perspectives that may be the source of disagreement in future. There’s a difference between the idealism of youths and the practical reality of being president. This schism has effects on whether this will be a lasting romance or fleeting political fling.

is this Movement an uncritical, unthinking, unquestioning, undemocratic movement?

The public perception of this group must be hinged on a public document that shows the object of our obedience. I will suggest twelve articles of the charter of the organization and I have ventured a few as way of helping them think. I’m not saying this is all there’s to it but to serve as guide to the formulation of an enduring partnership with Nigerians.

There’s a difference between the idealism of youths and the practical reality of being president. This schism has effects on whether this will be a lasting romance or fleeting political fling.

ENDEARING CHARTER


The charter to be meaningful should have the following attributes:
1. They are clearly to be beneficial to all Nigerians
2. They should be unambiguous and easily understood by all
3. Majority, if not all Nigerians should find these memorable and acceptable
4. They should be made national
5. The OBIdient Movement must now have a public face or faces. Peter Obi alone can not provide leadership. We need to see and assess the integrity of those espousing those ideals to determine if they will divorce the people once they get power like Buhari did. Why? Simple: only those hiding away from the law operate behind the shadows. Legitimate operators are above board.
6. Peter Obi must publicly endorse those goals of the charter.
7. So must his vice and other key operatives of the Labour Party.

only those hiding away from the law operate behind the shadows. Legitimate operators are above board.

SAMPLE OBIDIENT CHARTER

The OBIdient Charter

  • i. We are Nigerians committed to Nigeria. We are committed to making her a first class society that retains rather than exports her best human resources;
  • ii. We are committed to a policy that all Nigerians to play a role in her renaissance and attainment of (i) above;
  • iii. We are tired of the corruption of the past and seek through obedience to the law to build a JUST, EQUITABLE & FREE Nigeria for all Nigerians;
  • iv. We are fed of the incompetence of the past. We therefore seek to build a nation based on COMPETENCE & EXPERTISE of our national at home and abroad;
  • v. We are a global generation committed to creating world class values from what we have in order to compete effectively in every international market where we seek to play;
  • vi. We are committed to a universal access to active Nigerian public participation in governance. We will NOT be docile nor complacent over how we are governed henceforth;
  • vii. We seek an assembly of the people that includes and involves  every Nigerian even when that means providing technology to democratize access to participation in governance;
  • viii. We are committed to transparency in public access to asset utilisation and openness in corporate governance.
  • ix. We are completely in support of Nigerians regularly affirming their choice of how they wish to be governed. For us, government exists because people do. Without people there’s no government;
  • x. We are committed to a society that opens itself to decent people from all over the world.

Conclusion

From the above, I have sought to clarify the ambiguities of being labeled OBIdient and hope that the sample Charter provided above will serve as spark to help Peter Obi’s brand appeal become the real deal.

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Am I at risk of suicide?

This photo was taken just 7 hours before I tried to take my own life for the 3rd time.

Life is a concatenation of shocks laced with pleasantries. Life happens to all. As everyone has a chance of having one form of sickness or another, so do they also have a possibility of becoming mentally ill. And mental illness has been identified as one of the major factors leading people to suicide ideation.

To know whether you are susceptible to suicide, we need to identify the causes of suicide. We need to also examine the records to see which professions are much more likely to experience this condition and, finally, we need to learn about what can be done to prevent or reduce the level of suicides in the world.

What are the Cause of Suicides?

There’s no conclusive evidence about any lone causative agent that predisposes any individual to suicides. In the absence of any such lone known super-cause, we’re left with no choice but look at the four prominent causes of suicide. Before then please consider that so many people who killed themselves lived normal lives. Below is a list of comments people made about victims of mortal depression.

  • A close friend of one of my colleagues committed suicide. It happened as so many suicides do—out of the blue. A few days earlier, my colleague had spent the day hanging out with her friend, who was relaxed, upbeat, and normal.
  • “This photo was taken just 7 hours before I tried to take my own life for the 3rd time. This photo was taken in the morning … That evening I took an overdose that left me in the hospital for a week, I had no idea I’d try to take my own life in the morning. I was smiling and loved the way my hair looked hence the selfie.” – Milly Smith
  • Zeynep Pattie was only 18 years when she killed herself. Two days to her last birthday, she had uploaded a selfie on Instagram showing her hair swept back and captioned ‘Goldilocks’. She found dead on a rail line in what was ruled a suicide
  • ” the Kate that we knew was incredibly spirited and jovial and I think this is just a hard time, …  It’s hard for me to speculate what happened at home behind closed doors, but the Kate that really I knew was always with a smile.”
Smiling Milly Smith in her selfie few hours before overdosing

From the above, it is clear that otherwise happy people can become victims of any of the many causes of suicide. Let’s now examine the causes of suicide according to the available literature. One thing stands out, people’s dwindling sense of happiness, selfworth and accomplishment conspire in one or the other to instigate the desire to terminate their lives. This is what a social scientist has called “three feelings that prompt a person to take their life: hopelessness, helplessness and worthlessness.”

One thing stands out, people’s dwindling sense of happiness, selfworth and accomplishment conspire in one or the other to instigate the desire to terminate their lives.

The diverse causes of suicide

  • Dwindling income
  • Inability to handle failure
  • Hereditary factors
  • Inability to maintain work/life balance
  • Presence of psychopathologies or mental ailments
  • Marital problems
  • History of attempted suicide
  • Excessive loneliness

Dwindling income

A German billionaire a few years ago could not handle his loss of business due to the global economic downturn. He walked into a speeding train around his house. When some people loss their source of livelihood through retrenchment, loss of business, etc they seem to also loss a handle on life. Out of shame that they are not able to provide for their family or to repay loans, they turn to suicidal ideation or the act of suicide.

Inability to handle failure

Success is defined by individuals in different ways. Apart from financial failures, there are people who see themselves as failures when they’re unable to accomplish professional goals or to meet targets. Indian pupils are known to have killed themselves, not because they failed exams  but because they were unable to make some very high grades.

Heredity

Some Mental conditions that predispose people to suicide are known to run in the family. Some of these include: autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), bipolar disorder, major depression and schizophrenia.

Although there are no definite reasons, it appears that many of the causes of suicide are associated with one or more of these. The rate at which any of these can be predictive is unclear too. What triggers suicide in one person may not have similar effect on others. So it is difficult to state classically how each factor may affect any suicide case.

Signs that you’re suicidal

When suicidal tendencies begin to rear their head, the following signs may show:

  • Withdrawal from social life or social isolation
  • Feeling of worthlessness
  • Desiring to escape your present situation by dying
  • increased substance use
  • changes in sleep patterns
  • purposelessness
  • feeling like a burden
  • feeling stuck
  • giving away prized possessions
  • shame
  • anger
  • extreme sadness
  • intense worry
  • frustration
  • Mood swings etc.

Conclusion

You need to consult a psychologist or counselor immediately to help you examine your condition to ascertain if your symptoms are due to suicidal ideation or arising from other unknown causes. Remember, suicides occur because the victims fail to share their thoughts and fears with loved ones. Spiritualizing everything is also not the best as even medical and spiritual leaders can also fall to depression, a major predisposing factor to suicidal events. depression

news

Cristiano Ronaldo is Depressed

The world’s greatest goal scorer, Cristiano Ronaldo is battling depression according to a post made by Sports Addict. Quoting his psychiatrist, the statement said that since the death of Cristiano Ronaldo’s son in …2022, the football legend has gone into a state of depression.

Jordan Peterson (Ronaldo’s psychologist): is quoted to have said: “Cristiano Ronaldo is in a depression, people have to go easy on him, he’s a human, like all of us.”

He further informed that: Since “the death of his son, he has not been in a good state of mind”

On April 18, 2002, the player considered by many as the greatest athlete of all time (GOAT) had issued a joint statement with his companion, Georgina Rodriquez that the male part of their much awaited twin kids had died a few hours after birth. What the world didn’t know was that shock had triggered depression in the sportsman that has, apparently, affected his game.

Cristiano Announced the death of their baby boy

Declining Productivity

The player has been struggling with unpleasant reality of declining productivity in the field of play since then.

The condition of the Manchester United player is compounded by the failure of his club to qualify to play elite European football this year. This will be a first in nearly twenty years of playing professionally. For a player of his top competitive nature, that’s one hard truth to swallow.

Then, he has seen clubs that would have fallen over themselves to get his signature distance themselves from him like he worldhad become a covid-19 plague.

Is it end for CR-7?

Is this last chapter of his illustrious career? At 38 years, he is already considered past his prime. That’s one reason no fresh club wants to entangle themselves with him.

Many recall that he is like the mythical bird that had risen a number of times in the past when some thought he was down and spent. Yet, if he finds help for his depression, there’s a chance he will still have some more goals in his boot before finally hanging them in a few years time. Everything that has a beginning will have an end. When that time comes, Cristiano Ronaldo will be remembered for ever as a legend of the sport.

Fascinated by Rita Dominic

 “I don’t like [the pressure] that people put on me, on women — that you’ve failed yourself as a female because you haven’t procreated. I don’t think it’s fair. You may not have a child come out of your vagina, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t mothering — dogs, friends, friends’ children. This continually is said about me: that I was so career-driven and focused on myself; that I don’t want to be a mother, and how selfish that is.”

Jennifer Aniston (2014 Allure interview)

In the light of the recent embarrassing press misinformation on the alleged birth of twins by Rita Dominic, Nigeria’s very beautiful movie actress, it is now incumbent to ask the above question: must all women be mothers by vaginal birth only? Going by Aniston’s submission above, can it be said that Rita Dominic has not been a mother simply because she got married in her mid forties?

Jennifer Aniston: another star pestered over having kids.

It is true that by African standards, a woman in her forties without a child is subjected to all kinds of pressure. Parents, friends, brothers and sisters want to be grandparents, Uncles, Aunts and so on; but should procreation be the sole purpose of marriage?

When we put pressure on married people to produce children do we realise that children are not of men’s accord to decree into existence? Do we realise as stated by the Biblical Jacob that giving of children is not in the hands of any man to give?

In Genesis 30:1, we’re told an interesting conversation: “And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.”

A confused and angry husband who was already a father to several other children by Leah lashed out: “Am I in God’s stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?”

Jacob’s response to Rachael is the right way to see the issue of children in marriage. Perhaps we need to begin to see, based on practical life experiences, that not all marriages will result in vaginal childbirth. Already surrogate mother are here with us. If Rita Dominic and her husband wish to, they can have surrogate mothers produce children using their own seeds. If they also wish, they can stay without having biological children. And it’s not a crime.

Types of children

Rita and her husband Fidelis Anosike have been around for a while. They have built great careers and mentored many in their fields of endeavour. Is it not time we started acknowledging these facts? This is the kernel of Jennifer Aniston’s submission. Let’s take away dogs and pets, how can  anyone not acknowledge that motherhood also extends to the roles we play in the lives of children from other people?

Let me give you an example. During this year’s Father’s Day, my biological children didn’t wish me a happy father’s day on time. It wasn’t until quite late in the day that they did. However, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a call from an eighteen year old girl who was a member of my church congregation more than ten years ago. How do you explain this? She was only about seven or eight years when I worked that church but here was I being made to feel like her real Dad. I am grateful for such mercies. It straightened me on the conviction that your children don’t always have to be from your loins.

If we must become less selfish, we would see how Dr. D. K. Olukoya’s many disciples are his children. By the way, the Holy Spirit just used a neighbour who was singing: “I’ve got many, many disciples” to give me this expression. I’m thankful to God for this intervention. I’m proud to be one of those many, many disciples of Jesus Christ through the instrumentality of His Servant, Olukoya.

Rita and Fidelis Anosike

I see many authors, speakers and writers influencing people all over the world. There are many other mentors like Dr. D. K. Olukoya, and influencers whose words and deeds are shaping how we see ourselves and develop. What about Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandi and Mother Theresa? Did they have to go through the labour room experience to qualify as parents?

There are mentors, and influencers whose words and deeds are shaping how we see ourselves and develop. What about Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandi and Mother Theresa? Did they have to go through the labour room experience to qualify as parentsp

To ask the question again: why are we so fascinated by the Rita Dominic story? Is it all for good? Are some just waiting to mock her? Someone should give the young lady a break. Isn’t it true that there are millions who have sired children they’re not able to cater for; and even more seriously, who have not made half the impact Rita has made in life. Why define such an achiever by the number of seeds she has passed through her legs?

I am wishing her well in her journey through wifehood. I pray that it includes biological seeds sired by her and her husband. That will prove to her friends and detractors alike that people have a right to plan their lives as they deem fit. No one will go to hell for not marrying early or for choosing not to marry at all. What counts is how they conducted themselves in those waiting times.

Isn’t it true that there are millions who have sired children they’re not able to cater for; and even more seriously, who have not made half the impact Rita has made in life. Why define such an achiever by the number of seeds she has passed through her legs?

Conclusion

I submit that the undue focus on her biological virility is tending towards underestimation of her true worth as a godmother to millions of young people all over the world. I insist that those who seek to use only her biological fruitfulness as yardstick for assessing her are tragically myopic and that she needs to be allowed the peace that every privacy law permits her and everyone else. When it suits God to make her a mother and she notifies us, that’s when it is news; after all there are millions who are older in marriage who are yet to become parents. Public expectations should please take their knees off Rita and her husband’s necks for goodness sake.

Public expectations should please take their knees off Rita and her husband’s necks for goodness sake.

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