Many of us battle with this question secretly and even more people take a position without knowing why. In a world where female population appears to outweigh the opposite sex, is it godlike to have more than one wife? Pointedly, will marrying two wives lead you to hell fire?
There are a couple of scriptures that should guide your decision whether to marry one or more wives but if you care about your legacy, you should care about the foundation that you will bequeath your successors. Marriage is a foundational issue. It is at the root of the structure and the organization of the society. Every married person is throwing in one piece or another of the building blocks of that society.
“Neither shall he multiply wives to himself, that his heart turn not away: neither shall he greatly multiply to himself silver and gold.”
Deuteronomy 17:17
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Genesis 2:24
Moses the law giver had two wives. He also gave guidelines on how to acquire more than one wife. When his sister, Mariam opposed his second marriage, she was afflicted with leprosy. ‘Miriam and Aaron began to talk against Moses because of his Cushite wife, for he had married a Cushite. 2 “Has the Lord spoken only through Moses?” they asked. “Hasn’t he also spoken through us?” And the Lord heard this.’ Following this observation, God scolded them and made Marian leprous. Was God angry with them for backbiting or for opposing Moses’ decision to marry a Cushite? The former appears more likely but God did not also scold Moses for his polygamy. Moses like Abraham, Jacob (both of them Patriarchs) were all polygamous. Abraham from the account of Jesus made it to heaven. So being polygamous did not stop him from making heaven. (Please note: Abraham took Keturah as his wife after the death of Sarah. His polygamous history was with Hagar, Sarah’s maid).
Marriage is a foundational issue. It is at the root of the structure and the organization of the society. Every married person is throwing in one piece or another of the building blocks of that society.
Famous Biblical Polygamists
Jacob, Moses, David, Solomon are some of the most notorious polygamists mentioned in the Bible. All were men. No woman was reported to have had two husbands at the same time. Interestingly, none of these was openly rebuked by God for having more than one wife. Nevertheless, there’s plenty of evidence that those who entered into this multiple spouse arrangements regretted it. And we have thousands of years of hatred, blood letting and violence between siblings on account of their non acceptance of each other as equal parties in the family heritage.
Moses on more wives
‘…Why then were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses? The anger of the Lord burned against them, and he left them.’
Numbers 12:8-9
“When you go out to war … and the Lord your God gives them into your hand … and you see among the captives a beautiful woman, and you desire to take her to be your wife, … After that you may go in to her and be her husband, and she shall be your wife
Deuteronomy 21:10-13
In Deuteronomy 21: 10- Moses indicated that a woman widowed by war may be taken as a wife. It did not specify whether this taker is a bachelor or not. In verse 15 of the same chapter, Moses acknowledges that a man may have two wives. His hatred of the first wife must not be passed to the first son, if she is the mother of his first son. “If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have born him children, both the beloved and the hated; and if the firstborn son be hers that was hated: 16 Then it shall be, when he maketh his sons to inherit that which he hath, that he may not make the son of the beloved firstborn before the son of the hated, which is indeed the firstborn”
10 “When you go out to war against your enemies, and the Lord your God gives them into your hand and you take them captive, 11 and you see among the captives a beautiful woman, and you desire to take her to be your wife, 12 and you bring her home to your house, she shall shave her head and pare her nails. 13 And she shall take off the clothes in which she was captured and shall remain in your house and lament her father and her mother a full month. After that you may go in to her and be her husband, and she shall be your wife.
Hey what’s going on here! Same Moses who advised kings or rulers against multiplicity of wives permitted warriors to take captive women as wives rather than leave them to suffer?
“From the time of Lamech (Genesis 4:19), people engaged in polygamy, but it was never God’s design. Even though the practice is not expressly forbidden in Scripture, its consequences were often harmful and problematic (Deuteronomy 17:17; 1 Kings 11:1–3; Judges 8:30—9:57; 1 Samuel 1:1–7).” – Got Questions
Even though the practice is not expressly forbidden in Scripture, its consequences were often harmful and problematic
King David’s Polygamy and God’s Attitude
The case of David is a good example of God’s attitude to polygamy. According Theology of the Week, “The Bible regards David as the model king of Israel, and the books of Samuel, Kings, and Chronicles describe his many successes. Yet even David, “a man after God’s own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14), abuses his power and acts faithlessly at times”. Prophet Nathan accused him of having been indicted by God who was unhappy with him for having many and yet, greedily coveting, stealing and murdering another for the sake of this poor man’s beautiful wife, Bathsheba. He was punished for his offenses but not for having many wives. I will quote the Scriptures that touch on this in full showing that God had indeed, permitted David to have the wives of Saul as his own.
Prophet Nathan’s Rebuke
This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. 9 Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own.
2 Samuel 12: 7-9
An honest analysis of the above cited portion will reveal that God was not against David for polygamous purposes. He would have even given him, David, more wives (and lands, if it was necessary (vs 8). The words in italics is what embodies God’s grouse against the king.
From the foregoing, it is pretty clear that God considers sex outside marriage a grievous sin. He also frowns at adultery and covetousness. Finally, he forbids stealing of wives. But it will be twisting common sense to say that God forbids marriage consummated honourably amongst a man and his wives all agreeing to live together and become family. It will be more accurate to say that He allows societies to agree on what constitutes marriage between consenting adult males and females (opposite sex relationship).
it is pretty clear that God considers sex outside marriage a grievous sin. He also frowns at adultery and covetousness. Finally, he forbids stealing of wives
Was their any female polygamist in the Bible?
Was Tamar a polyandrist?
The closest we got to that was in Luke 20:27-38. Here a woman who had no child and ended up with seven husbands all from the same family. Interestingly, she married them on spatial band not at the same time. So it does not qualify. The other near case is like it in which Judah’s children married a lady and died one after the other. (Genesis 38). Tamar, their wife ended up sleeping with her father in-law and conceived and bare him a pair of male twins, Perez and Zerah. Judah’s last child, Shelah, who should have married her after the death of his elder brothers was apparently alive at that point. Judah refused to allow him marry Tamar. Was she guilty of polyandry?
Her action may have been condemnable but Judah declared himself more depraved for seeking extramarital affairs. Between Judah and Tamar, we find that the problem over who you marry or how many is the infidelity in it. Clear, God condemned adultery as one of the ten sins we must avoid. But does sex in a matrimony accepted by all parties involved constitute adultery? That is the question that needs to be answered. It doesn’t mean that polygamy is without problems. In fact, the challenges should be a disincentive for its practice.
Problems of Polygyny
The problem with the polygyny/polygamy, it seems, is not in the duality of partners. The major problem, that may have accounted for God’s tolerance for it, is with the motives of the one entering into this kind of relationship. As with most things in life, you can enter a single spouse relationship and be cruel or full of the wrong motives and yet be in multiple marriage relationship with the right motives.
Unfortunately, you can never predict why any of your partners are coming into the union. Neither can you, most importantly, control how they will behave in the union. I have seen one polygynous relationship that looked wonderful though. (The story of Onyemali of Okpanam is one I would like to tell some day.) Until then, let us examine some of the problems of polygyny.
- Unhealthy rivalry as seen in the relationship between Christians and Muslims who claim the same Patriarchy. As a matter of fact, the three world leading religions are from the same family yet, their unresolved or poorly resolved family differences have combined to tear the world apart. Every time you hear Muslims talk, you’ll hear the feeling of being cheated repeatedly.
- Spiritual pollution and witchcraft as in the case of Solomon
- Large population size
- Hatred, strife and lifelong enmity as in the case of the descendants of Isaac and his brother, Hagar’s son, Ismail.
- Sickness , untimely death occasioned by the stress that the man is subjected to
- Emotionally harmful to the women. Emerging research from UAE reveals that polygamy is “injurious to the mental health of women in such relationships, fostering negative emotions and ultimately creating harmful patterns that detract from having a healthy emotional life.”
Conclusion
Although it is not expressly forbidden, the practice of marrying and keeping many women as wives, whether to do so or not, is decision that you not take carelessly. Consider the legacy you are leaving: one of raving and feuding children or one of peace.
Asoya Relationship Musings - ARM 