“Explore the fascinating world of sibling rivalry in our comprehensive article with Pastor Ngozi H. Asoya. Uncover the psychological underpinnings, root causes, and effective strategies to manage and nurture positive sibling relationships for a harmonious family dynamic.”
If you ever thought polygamy was the most difficult family dynamic, you’re wrong. Sibling rivalry may as bad. In this article, we will delve into the largely unknown phenomenon that may be as invidious as a bad polygamy, especially the psychological reasons why they happen and what can be done to tame it.
What Is Sibling Rivalry?
Sibling rivalry refers to the competition, jealousy, or conflicts that can arise between siblings, both of the same mother and father (monogamous relationship) and the same father and different mothers (polygamous home). It’s a common phenomenon and has been studied in psychology. Below are some of the things we know about the phenomenon.
Source: Street Journal
Factors Responsible For Siblings’ Rivalry
Psychologically, sibling rivalry can be attributed to various factors:
- Competition for Resources: Siblings frequently vie with one another for their parents’ time, affection, and resources (such as toys and privileges). If this competition is not handled properly in infancy, it may result in jealousy and conflict.
- Birth Order: Birth order may be important. When a younger sibling is born, older siblings could feel dethroned, and younger siblings might want to establish themselves as they struggle to rule their environment. As we witnessed in the biblical tale of Esau and Jacob, the youthful fight for relevance can develop into a lethal competition for significance. Parents have a responsibility to comprehend this and mediate with kindness and fairness.
- Parental Attention: The competition for parental favours is one of the main reasons why siblings fight. For their parents’ attention and praise, siblings could compete. Rivalry may become more intense if they believe one child is being given preferential treatment. Children who develop slowly could also find it challenging to comprehend why other kids are constantly trying to impress or win over their parents. That can spark a rivalry, sometimes for life.
- Personality Differences: Siblings may have different personalities, interests, and temperaments, leading to clashes and competition. As the fingers of the same hand are different, so are the offspring of the same parents. If there is no harmony in their concept of development, their personality differences could lead to clashes and constant altercations. Instilling the knowledge that it is healthy to be different and yet harmonious as a family will help you overcome this kind of rivalry.
- Limited Resources: Siblings may perceive resources like love, time, and affection as limited, leading to rivalry over these resources. Where resources are scarce, children tend to compete fiercely for the limited ones. This competition can sometimes be unhealthy, especially for the weaker members of the family.
- Identity Formation: Sibling relationships are a significant part of a child’s early social environment, and they can influence identity formation. Competing with or differentiating from siblings can be part of this process. I recall speaking with the first daughter of Professor Chris Ogbechie. She told me of the healthy rivalry that existed between her and her siblings over who would get the best grades. My friend’s last daughter child also told her father, Emeka Nmadu that she would outclass her elder sisters who were some of the best students ever to pass out from Infant Jesus Schools in Asaba. She was very competitive and came out with the best JAMB result of all her siblings. When managed well, siblings, in these cases were able to push each other to outperform themselves and become better.
- Parental Modelling: Children often model their behaviour based on what they see from their parents. If parents are competitive or show favouritism, it can influence how siblings interact. In 2011 or thereabout, Chief Ladi Williams, the first son of late Rotimi Williams narrated to TheNation newspapers how he started modelling after his father by stealing into his bedroom to wear his gown and cap, His father was the first Senior Advocate of Nigeria (SAN) and had a distinguished legal practice. Ladi grew to become a SAN too. Despite his success as a lawyer, he died intestate. That legal loophole has exposed the inner workings of his family and a 28-year tussle for control of his estate is tearing his sons apart in one of the worst cases of sibling rivalry ever seen in Nigeria.
Conclusion
It is important to note that some level of sibling rivalry is normal and can even contribute to healthy social and emotional development. Sibling rivalry often arises from a natural desire for attention and validation within the family dynamic. This competition can push siblings to develop important skills such as negotiation, compromise, and empathy. Through healthy competition, siblings learn to navigate conflicts and develop a sense of fairness. However, it is essential for parents and caregivers to be aware of the fine line between healthy rivalry and harmful conflict. By providing guidance and support, adults can help siblings learn to resolve their differences in a constructive manner, ensuring that sibling relationships remain positive and nurturing. However, excessive or unresolved rivalry can have negative consequences. Parents and caregivers play a crucial role in managing and mediating sibling conflicts, promoting effective communication, and fostering positive sibling relationships.
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