“Can You Restore My Virginity?”

Expenses of love are non-refundable. This is the lesson this naive young man’s travails have revealed. Now he has discovered critical relationship lessons and how to avoid making wrong assumptions about love. follow as we explore vital relationship lessons and essential steps in building friendship into an enduring union.

Restoring her virginity has been set as the only condition for a refund of all the money a young man had spent during their seven-year friendship that has just collapsed. “If you want the money spent on me, then restore my virginity”.

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Seven Years of Anticipation

This young man had dated this 26year old lady for seven years without defining his interest. While it lasted, he had trained the school dropout to acquire tailoring skills, rented a shop for her and had been spending an average of Two Thousand Naira (N2,000) a day on the lady. The problem was that his intention was only clear to himself but not to the lady.

Two years ago, her family prevailed on her to look for a more matured person to avoid being disappointed in future. They concluded that it’s immature people who stay in a relationship without defined goals and pressured her to accept someone else. Despite her love for her first love, she waited the last two years to hear that promise of marriage, it didn’t come.

Now she’s engaged to another man.

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Restore All I Have Spent On You

This is a clear case of a relationship that seemed to be made heaven but destroyed on earth.

Young lovers need to be careful about spending to impress. It damages the fabric of relationships and turns love into a transactional activity. Emotions and love have no monetary equivalence. The youngsters who turned down Twenty Million Naira (N20m) to be separated come to mind.

Relationship Palaver

Lack of communication: When I reviewed the above clip with my 21year old son, his immediate response was that seven Years was “a very, very long time to wait”. The young man did not express his intention or commitment to the lady clearly, leaving her confused. Communication is essential for the success of any relationship because it allows both partners to understand each other’s needs, feelings, and expectations.

When I reviewed the above clip with my 21year old son, his immediate response was that seven Years was “a very very long time to wait”.

– Unrealistic or ambiguous expectations: After seven years with the lady, the young man expected her to return his money and she her virginity. This is an unrealistic and unfair expectation because he cannot change the past nor her physical condition. Every Kobo spent during courtship and up to marriage is considered a gift. All the drinks, renting of expensive halls, suits and gowns, hiring of limousines and expensive bridal trains are gifts. They are not recoverable in case of divorce. The only refundable deposit is the bride price. Every thing else is an expense of love. Therefore do not spend what you’re not willing to lose when you’re in love.

– Family pressure: The lady’s family influenced her decision to seek a new partner because they did not approve of the young man’s lifestyle. To them, he appeared to be childish or immature or unstable. His inability to see her growing distress and to interrogate it seems to add to the perception of him as immature. Family pressure can cause conflict in relationships, especially if the partners have opposing values, beliefs, or goals.

– Lack of trust: The young man accused the lady of cheating on him with another man for two years, implying that he lacked faith in her fidelity and loyalty. Trust is essential in a healthy relationship because it fosters security, intimacy, and respect.

Young lovers need to be careful about spending to impress. It damages the fabric of relationships and turns love into a transactional activity. Emotions and love have no monetary equivalence.

– Unhappy Future: Both parties appeared to be happy and in love. Although family pressure led her into this marriage, she’s likely never to be valued as much as the one who made her a woman. The time will come when she would long for this young man but it would have been too late.

– When In Doubt Ask: When the pressure was building up, the lady should have popped the question as best as she could. She should have communicated her distress to her man rather than give room for the family to influence her. Questions like:

– Where’s this relationship headed?

– Do I have a future in this relationship?

– Can I make a good wife for you?

These are questions that can reset a man’s mind and give him a hint that this relationship has stayed too long without a clear definition of a destination.

Conclusion

This is a clear case of a relationship that seemed to be made heaven but destroyed on earth. The memories of this relationship may hurt this two in future and depending on how much happiness she finds in her new relationship, she is likely to regret this decision; but so would her seven years long Boyfriend who could not define what he wanted.

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