Intimacy refers to connecting at a deeper level in a relationship. It involves establishing strong emotional bonds, understanding, and intimacy. Here’s a breakdown of what it means to be connected at the deepest level whether in a Christian relationship or any other one for that matter. This write-up examines the subject of whether Christian marriages are more intimate or less and whether religiosity is a contributory factor to Christian relationship dynamics. That is does faith have any impact on emotional satisfaction in Christian marriages or not? First, let’s dissect the concept of connections in marriage.
Connecting At A Deeper Level
- Emotional Intimacy: This refers to sharing your thoughts, feelings, fears, and dreams with your partner in a safe and non-judgmental environment. It’s about vulnerability and allowing your partner to see the real you without being judged.
- Empathy and Understanding: There are no deep connections without being established on empathy. Why? This is where you try to understand your partner’s perspective, feelings, and experiences. It’s more about listening with interest and also about validating and empathizing with their emotions.
- Trust and Transparency: Trust is essential for a deep connection. It means being honest and transparent with each other, keeping promises, and having faith in your partner’s intentions.
- Shared Values and Goals: A deep connection often involves aligning on fundamental values and life goals. You know those moments when a husband can beat his chest and say “My wife could not have said that” or “No, my husband can not do that kind of thing!” That’s the point when you share similar beliefs and aspirations in a frightening sort of way.
- Physical Intimacy: While emotional connection is crucial, physical intimacy also plays a significant role in deepening the bond between partners. It involves not just sexual intimacy but also affection, cuddling, and physical closeness.
- Communication and Conflict Resolution: Effective communication is key to understanding each other’s needs, resolving conflicts, and navigating challenges together. It’s about expressing yourself honestly and respectfully, and actively listening to your partner.
- Support and Encouragement: Deep connections thrive on mutual support and encouragement. Being there for each other through both good times and bad strengthens the bond and creates a sense of security in the relationship.
- Quality Time Together: Spending quality time together, engaging in meaningful activities, and creating shared experiences deepens the connection between partners.
- Respect and Appreciation: Respect is fundamental in any relationship. It involves valuing each other’s opinions, boundaries, and autonomy. Appreciating your partner for who they are and expressing gratitude for their presence in your life strengthens the bond.
- Continuous Growth and Development: Finally, deep connections require both partners to invest in personal growth and the growth of the relationship. This involves learning from each other, adapting to changes, and evolving together over time.
Christian Marriage Satisfaction Survey
The ten items of deep connection mentioned above are some of the key issues that were found to be missing or lacking in Christian marriages in a survey conducted by Prof. Daniel Olukoya, the General Overseer of Mountain of Fire and Miracles Ministries church (MFM) some time ago amongst Pastor’s families. The brief survey sought to find out the level of “Christian marriage satisfaction rates” or something like that. Recounting his findings, he said he was alarmed to see that there was a high level of dissatisfaction amongst Pastors’ wives. The same study showed that the majority of the female children of Pastors would not want to marry a Pastor signifying, potentially, problems of lack of satisfaction in their parents’ marriages.
Xie J., Shi Y., Ma H defined marital satisfaction as “one’s global and overall evaluations or attitudes toward the partner and the relationship.” I accept this as a fair definition. So how often do Christians report that they are happy with their partner and the relationship they are in? In fairness, there are no universally agreed indices of happiness and satisfaction. However, Onsy, E. and M.M. Amer contend that most marriages begin with a high level of marital satisfaction (and possibly high expectations) but that marital satisfaction gradually will decline over time. this is because as couples adjust to new marital circumstances and realities, they tend to begin to nurse regrets. They also noted that marital satisfaction decreases when children begin to arrive. There are no consistent findings on mid- and late-term marital satisfaction.
What Is Loneliness?
Loneliness is a complex emotional state characterized by feelings of isolation, emptiness, and a lack of meaningful relationships with others despite being in the midst of people in some cases. It is like being in an emotional cave of one’s own thoughts despite the presence of other activities. When a person feels disconnected from people on an emotional level, they are said to be feeling lonely. What causes loneliness amongst Christians? A study in a South African university found as many other authors have also written that the deepest cause of loneliness amongst Christians may be found in the individual’s religious uprootment and severance of their vertical relationship with God. In other words, the more deeply rooted a Christian is, the more likely he is NOT to feel lonely.
What Causes Loneliness?
Several causes can contribute to loneliness, such as:
- Social Isolation: Being physically separated from friends, family, or the community can lead to feelings of loneliness, especially if social engagement possibilities are restricted.
- Lack of Intimate Relationships: A lack of deep, intimate relationships or emotional connection with others can result in intense feelings of loneliness. The view of marriage as being only meant for procreation can damage the emotional connection required to make Christian marriage blissful.
- Life Transitions: Major life transitions such as relocating to a new city, breaking a relationship, or losing a loved one can exacerbate feelings of loneliness as people adjust to their new surroundings.
- Mental Health Issues: Depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem can increase feelings of loneliness, making it more difficult to interact with others and build meaningful connections. Christians like other segments of society are affected by these mental health issues too.
- Societal Factors: Cultural conventions, societal expectations, and technology improvements that prioritise superficial connections over meaningful relationships can all contribute to feelings of loneliness in today’s culture equally affects Christians
Religiosity And Lack of Intimacy
In Christian relationships, communication techniques, spirituality, cultural norms, and individual experiences all influence the dynamics of intimacy.
Does being very religious affect s£xual intimacy and Marital satisfaction? There are two views on s£x and religiosity. The first is that extreme regiosity tends to make partners more faithful and therefore more amenable to the needs of partners. The other view is that strict interpretation of sex in marriage is that it is only for procreation. In that case, free expression of pleasurable s£x may be viewed as sinful, lustful or immoral. Intimacy may be helped by ideological uniformity but couples still need to put in the hardwork that makes marriage work. Without this hardwork, Christian marriage can still seem like a prison, from which inmates seek an escape.
Overcoming Loneliness in Christan Marriages
Can Christians overcome loneliness in their Marriage? How? Are there any strategies that can be applied towards rebuilding intimacy in Christian relationships?
Addressing loneliness frequently entails making meaningful connections with others, cultivating a sense of belonging and social support, and participating in activities that provide fulfilment and purpose such as groups and social gatherings. This can include contacting friends or family members, joining social groups or clubs, volunteering in the community, or seeking professional help through therapy or counselling. Christians recognising and admitting feelings of loneliness is a critical first step towards finding answers and creating a more satisfying social network.
Asoya Relationship Musings - ARM 